Food / Review

Coffee, Coffee, Coffee

So I, The Brazen Photographer, went on a journey. A journey of coffee. I journey where only coffee-snobs dare to tread. Where I hope one day to get a job. Because I, The Brazen Photographer, really want a job in the hospitality industry, because maybe there I can be paid for doing things I enjoy and hopefully I’m good at.
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B, my bro-bro, came along for the drug fuelled ride. I had so much caffeine and was buzzing SO high that I collapsed at midnight at slept in.
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My body was REJECTING THE VERY FIBRE OF ME and so while I loved every minute of this course I was dying a little on the inside. I should have packed myself (and my bag) full of painkillers before I left home but I foolishly thought that it would only be a short burst of manageable pain. Ha! my body said as my insides felt like they were being ground up, Ergh! I said as I grit my teeth and made coffee.
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I wont spoil it all for you, but the steps are:

1) Porta-filter off
2) Clean group-head
3) Tap tap!
4) Dry and clean
5) Fill to a mountain
6) Tap tap!
7) Fill to a mountain
8) Scrape off excess with a pallet knife
9) Taper with your body weight
10) Attach porta-filter to group head
11) Start water
12) Add cups
13) Pour through chocolate, caramel and turn off at the blonde
14) Get the milk and at foam with a tssit-tssit!
15) Heat until you can’t hold it anymore + six seconds
16) Swirl until glossy
17) Pour the fluffiest first, like a beer into the centre of the coffee in the cup
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This shouldn’t tell you how to make coffee, this tells you the steps (and shows you I’ve learnt something). To make coffee with one of these beasts you’re going to have to practice. Doing this course allows you to practice on ONE MILLION COFFEES. And we had to pour most of them down the drain. D:09
It may have been the caffeine but there’s something so wonderful about making a good coffee. I love doing stuff with my hands and I felt so… accomplished. I’m somewhat of a coffee-snob, I know what I like. I’m not so fussy however, and am willing to try new spots, but making your own coffee is amaze-balls because you can make the coffee the right heat, the right strength, with beans you like etc. al. At home we make our coffee with a moca-pot, which is fine, but you can’t always control everything in a moca-pot the way you can with this super-dooper expensive equipment. Hopefully I’ll get a job and I’ll let you know how it is. (Basically I want to be a barista or bar staff.)
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Jules, the course coordinator was TOTALLY BOSS. They reminded us that both coffees should look the same going out to a table, so if you screw up the art on the first one make sure the next one is just as ugly! The above one on the right is mine. :3c
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I’m pretty sure this is my brother’s beautiful coffee. Doesn’t it look awesome? Oh god I could go a coffee.

SO, did you know coffee should be drunk three weeks after it’s roasted, three days after you’ve opened the packet and three minutes after you’ve ground the beans? D: We never drink out beans in three days after we’ve opened the packet, it just wouldn’t be justifiable. So unfortunately the beans are (almost) always going to be better when we get coffee out at a café. 😦
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ISN’T THIS CLEANER THING THE BOSS-EST? It squirts water into the cut and then drains away. SO COOL.
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They have two little coffee bean plants which make about 20 beans per year. They only do this since they’re inside and it’s not tropical here and they’re not at a high altitude. But they’re adorbs anyway.
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LOOOOOOOOOOK. I’m certifiably barista-y.

Anyway, it was hella fun. If you want to go it’s the Barista Academy, check them out, I really reeeeeeealy enjoyed it. You get to make as much coffee as you can, you learn a little about the bean ect. al and you use ALL THE BANNISTER DOWNS MILK THAT YOU WANT. Basically it’s worth the price in my honest opinion. (Also the tutor is lovely and really nice, even though I accidentally stole a sip of her coffee because I thought it was B’s.)

❤ The Brazen Photographer

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